Now, don't laugh.

You know how some people's laugh sounds like a gasp for air? Like their throat is being constricted while they're trying to inhale? And you know how some people do that laugh really slowly when they're fake laughing? And you know how obnoxious it sounds? And you know how if they're sitting in the same office with you and they're having a long, drawn out, condescending, judgmental conversation with someone else you don't like about yet another person you don't like and they do that gasp laugh thing over and over and over and over and over and over?

Yeah. If I ever do that, please feel free to hit me with a large, heavy object. Repeatedly.

Muffin top

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't have a muffin top for a million dollars. Heaven knows I already have the equipment with which to create one. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't willingly inflict such a thing on the world. I don't know why stores refuse to sell pants with waistlines that actually sit at the waist. Hip huggers make sense for those who are a size 4 or below, but they shouldn't be sold in my size...which is a bit more than 4.