Saturday, July 11, 2009
You know how some people's laugh sounds like a gasp for air? Like their throat is being constricted while they're trying to inhale? And you know how some people do that laugh really slowly when they're fake laughing? And you know how obnoxious it sounds? And you know how if they're sitting in the same office with you and they're having a long, drawn out, condescending, judgmental conversation with someone else you don't like about yet another person you don't like and they do that gasp laugh thing over and over and over and over and over and over?
Yeah. If I ever do that, please feel free to hit me with a large, heavy object. Repeatedly.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't have a muffin top for a million dollars. Heaven knows I already have the equipment with which to create one. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't willingly inflict such a thing on the world. I don't know why stores refuse to sell pants with waistlines that actually sit at the waist. Hip huggers make sense for those who are a size 4 or below, but they shouldn't be sold in my size...which is a bit more than 4.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Oh, yuck. There's something on his teeth. Ew. Now, what does he do when he eats a spinach and strawberry salad? Are his friends going to be kind enough to tell him what's stuck in his grill?
I think there's something going wrong all up in his mizzle. I'm just sayin'. Is all.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
It's bad enough to skate on ice. I know firsthand how easy it is for one's feet to fly out from beneath one's butt, thus allowing one's butt to make violent contact with the ice, which, by the way, is harder than rock. But to drive an 18-wheeler across a few scant inches of ice just so we can have oil and diamonds? No. Just no. Maybe, like Mama putting the good cookies on top of the refrigerator, God put that stuff up there so we couldn't get to it.