Now, don't laugh.

You know how some people's laugh sounds like a gasp for air? Like their throat is being constricted while they're trying to inhale? And you know how some people do that laugh really slowly when they're fake laughing? And you know how obnoxious it sounds? And you know how if they're sitting in the same office with you and they're having a long, drawn out, condescending, judgmental conversation with someone else you don't like about yet another person you don't like and they do that gasp laugh thing over and over and over and over and over and over?

Yeah. If I ever do that, please feel free to hit me with a large, heavy object. Repeatedly.

Self assessment

I could not be the idiotic, ugly, brainless, stinking, imbecilic, foul, heartless, obtuse, short-sighted, moronic bastard who decides to fire a smart, loyal, hard-working company employee of 27 years. I don't have it in me. I'm not a scum-sucking moron.

Vilify smokers

It's been a year and eight months since I quit smoking. I still miss the smoking pit camaraderie, even though I don't miss the cough, the upper respiratory infections, the high blood pressure, the stench of the smoke permeating my life, and the expense of the cigarettes themselves. I smell divine, but just because I quit doesn't mean I don't remember. I still consider myself a smoker -- just a non-practicing one. So I can't cast aspersions on smokers who stand around the grocery store door and furtively suck down one more drag before entering the clean air zone. There, but for the grace of Chantix, go I.