Now, don't laugh.

You know how some people's laugh sounds like a gasp for air? Like their throat is being constricted while they're trying to inhale? And you know how some people do that laugh really slowly when they're fake laughing? And you know how obnoxious it sounds? And you know how if they're sitting in the same office with you and they're having a long, drawn out, condescending, judgmental conversation with someone else you don't like about yet another person you don't like and they do that gasp laugh thing over and over and over and over and over and over?

Yeah. If I ever do that, please feel free to hit me with a large, heavy object. Repeatedly.

Self assessment

I could not be the idiotic, ugly, brainless, stinking, imbecilic, foul, heartless, obtuse, short-sighted, moronic bastard who decides to fire a smart, loyal, hard-working company employee of 27 years. I don't have it in me. I'm not a scum-sucking moron.

Jane Seymour -- with a vengeance

Someone I know accused me of being flippant on this blog. He said that if someone offered me One Million Dollars (US) to wear some Jane Seymour jewelry, I would do it.

I have therefore put some time and thought into this proposition.

And I reiterate my original stance. I would not wear Jane Seymour jewelry for a million dollars. I would not do it in a box. I would not do it with a fox. I do not like ugly jewelry, Sam I Am. I do not like it; I said it again.

Out where the buses don't run

Oh, Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. When I went to find a picture of you for this post I happened to stop by your web site. If I hadn't already known you were a nut job, the Swirl to God earrings and Spirit Steering pendant would have convinced me.

This lady crazy.

John Mayer

Not for a million. Not for many millions. Not in this lifetime. No. Just -- no.

While I'm at it

This egotistical scumbag is no better than the she-beast.

Tell me what I'm thinking

I seriously debated wasting pixels on this slimy piece of garbage. She isn't psychic. She isn't kind-hearted. She isn't well-meaning. She takes advantage of vulnerable people by taking their money and telling them lies. I would not want to be in the same room as this repulsive swindler.

Yahoo Toolbar

Y'know, I wouldn't have been able to work up some snark about this, but every time I update Firefox, the topic comes up again. "Install Yahoo Toolbar?" No. No, no, no, and NO. I do not want a Yahoo toolbar on my desktop. Stop asking!

Smug twit bar

I loathe with a passion Apple's stuck up, holier than thou "Genius Bar" concept. The very name is condescending and vainglorious. If I had a Mac (which I did once but don't anymore, thank heaven), I would never in a million years go to any counter with that sign behind it. Genius, my ass. I'd like to take that iPod on a string (is that the modern day mittens pinned to the coat sleeves?) and wrap it around his...oh, never mind. If I want to talk to someone who's a genius, I will not look for one with a sign proclaiming her as such.