V is not for Victory

At least not in this case.

Weird

I have pierced ears. In fact, I have double-pierced ears. But this ear stretching thing is just weird and icky. Ew. And it seems like a great way to rip your ear off if something should get caught in it. Again, ew.

Jane Seymour -- with a vengeance

Someone I know accused me of being flippant on this blog. He said that if someone offered me One Million Dollars (US) to wear some Jane Seymour jewelry, I would do it.

I have therefore put some time and thought into this proposition.

And I reiterate my original stance. I would not wear Jane Seymour jewelry for a million dollars. I would not do it in a box. I would not do it with a fox. I do not like ugly jewelry, Sam I Am. I do not like it; I said it again.

Oh, my ears! Oh, my eyes! Ow, ow, ow!

Miley Cyrus. Victim of pimp daddy Billy Ray. Only he really is a pimp, and the girl he's got on the street is his own daughter. Makes you wonder why people are still allowed to procreate without a license.

Anyway, I swear I will not contribute to this poor girl's giddy trek toward a Britney Spears-like breakdown. I will not watch the show, I will not listen to the caterwauling they call music, and I will not, not, not see the movie[s]. Enough is enough.

Rub-on eyeshadow

No, no, no, no, no.

OK, maybe the purple for a special occasion.

(Nah, just kiddin'. No.)

Bad walking shoes

Whether you're in a theme park or strolling the floor of the Las Vegas Convention Center, you should eschew cruel shoes. Here's a hint: If it hurts, the attractiveness quotient is moot.

By the by, BadShoe.com used to be a place where all sorts of painful or painfully funny theme park shoes were cataloged. It's worth a look if you would like to laugh at yesteryear's footwear.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Dr. Seuss made this, right? Oh. Marc Jacobs, huh? For Louis Vuitton? Honey, I wouldn't buy them from Payless for 20 bucks.

Testosterone Poisoning

Sender-inner Woodrow says, "I'm not homophobic. I just look terrible in pink." Riiiiiight. We belieeeeve you.

Jane Seymour jewelry

No. Just -- no.

Some indignities can't be justified

Now, why would anyone do that to a fine canine?