Weird

I have pierced ears. In fact, I have double-pierced ears. But this ear stretching thing is just weird and icky. Ew. And it seems like a great way to rip your ear off if something should get caught in it. Again, ew.

Not if I had a million dollars

Aw, hell no! Not if I had the million. Not if he had the million. The idea of going to a matchmaker...on TV, no less! I think not. No.

Unless I was really, really desperate. And maybe if I were really, really starved for attention.

Jane Seymour -- with a vengeance

Someone I know accused me of being flippant on this blog. He said that if someone offered me One Million Dollars (US) to wear some Jane Seymour jewelry, I would do it.

I have therefore put some time and thought into this proposition.

And I reiterate my original stance. I would not wear Jane Seymour jewelry for a million dollars. I would not do it in a box. I would not do it with a fox. I do not like ugly jewelry, Sam I Am. I do not like it; I said it again.

I know I'm wrong. I know.

When you grow up in the South and you tell people "I don't like biscuits," they'll invariably come back with "Well, that's because you've never had [insert favorite biscuit producer here]'s biscuits!" I've had people's mothers' biscuits. I've had Hardee's biscuits. I've had fancy cheese biscuits from fancy, cheesy restaurants. I've kept trying biscuits, really I have.

I just don't like biscuits.

I await your judgment.

Out where the buses don't run

Oh, Shirley, Shirley, Shirley. When I went to find a picture of you for this post I happened to stop by your web site. If I hadn't already known you were a nut job, the Swirl to God earrings and Spirit Steering pendant would have convinced me.

This lady crazy.

John Mayer

Not for a million. Not for many millions. Not in this lifetime. No. Just -- no.

This is not literature

C'mon. I don't really have to say anything about this, do I?

I do?

OK, then. Lowest common denominator. There. I said it.